Being the "other" Person

Being in a proverbial "love triangle" is a complicated situation. There are many reasons people cheat and choose to cheat with people they know are married. Those reasons can range from lust to feeling a true connection with that person. However, all too often, the "third wheel" is left waiting, hoping, clinging to the "some day" that will never come.

After doing some reading on this subject from some wise people, I have come to conclude the "why" of a person choosing someone already taken. I proffer that it is usually because a) they either lack self-esteem and feel this is more of a "safe relationship" (if you can call it a relationship) or b) they are actually afraid of a real relationship, real committment, their real dream, even though they will tell you they want the whole nine yards: marriage, bliss, sometimes kids, the perfect home, with the perfect man.


Without judging why people cheat on their spouses, for one, the person is not so perfect if they are inclined to cheat. Secondly, with rare exception, you can bet if this person ever left their spouse for you, they would still have roaming, wondering eye.  Which leads me to the most important piece of this article, the waiting game.  Promises of leaving, plans made, the third person believes it is all hammered out. The other spouse is a shrew or horrible man, the divorce papers are pending and/or signed, all that is left is for things to be finalized.


The problem is days stretch into weeks, weeks stretch into months, and months stretch into years and yet you still hold onto the illusion of being with this "perfect" person. Now, having read all of this, step back, examine this person. Are they really so perfect? Are they really for you? What about the time you could have been open to someone kind, loving, caring, reading for a serious committment that was available to be yours.

Consider also the collateral fallout. What about the spouse, that husband or wife who is being betrayed, being cheated on. Are they really as bad as the person paints them to be? Even if you have witnessed them in action, you have only glimpsed a small part of who they are. Do you really think it likely the cheating spouse is going to say, "Oh yes, my spouse is the perfect person! That's why I'm here with you.  What about children, relatives, jobs, homes and mortgages, debts, all of these things that you turn butt over tea kettle by being the "other person".

Bottom line, until that spouse is free, they are not yours to have and the real truth behind being the third person is this: You are likely to always to be second fiddle, you have no right to expect to be first. That means you have no right to be angry over missed "dates", phone calls, unreturned texts, e-mails, etc because you are just that, no matter what they say, you are second fiddle and their spouse, children, families, jobs, etc are all before you.

If you want a real relationship, stop chasing the gold at the end of the rainbow, those leprauchons are sneaky buggers.  If you are afraid to be truly available, to be in a real relationship, carry on, but remember the very real possible consequences for some people whom you have probably never met. Evaluate your station in this person's life. Honest step back and evaluate the chances of you ever becoming that person's spouse. Then ask yourself, "Knowing what I know, would I really want to be their spouse?" If you ever did become their spouse, think of the train wreck of baggage from what you helped destroy you would be carrying along with you.

If you are the third person, this is not meant to guilt you. It is meant to cause you to stop and think.  What is the reality of the situation? Helen Keller once said, People do not like to think. If one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant.  When you stop and truly step back and examine your situation, what real conclusions do you draw?