In Love with love

You know the drill. You do the looking, the body language that says you're interested, you even do the pursuing and chasing.  That person is so aloof! What is it about them that intrigues you so?  Is it having what seems out of reach? Perhaps.  Then, you end up in a "relationship" with this person only to find that they are just as much of a self-centered jerk as you thought they were when you were chasing after them.

How can this be? You were so certain it was just a "game", just a "show" they put forth to seem aloof, uninterested, and indifferent. In this psuedo-relationship, your thoughts, concerns, wants, and needs come dead last. Even the pet goldfish is tossed more attention than you. That's okay, they're just scared of really committing, right?  They have a busy schedule and multiple obligations, it's only temporary (and sometimes, yes, it is).  Soon, they will step up and be the person you've never seen them to be. You're just sure of it! Faith can't fail you now, right?

The honest truth is that past behaviors are the best indicators of future behaviors. Yes, people go through times where they act un-like themselves. Yes, people even change. By and large, this is not the case and people are highly unlikely to change for you or because of you. When you see someone for what they are, don't be shocked when you get into a "relationship" and they are the same way. You saw it coming from a mile away.  Don't couch it as, "if they loved me enough, they'd change!". First, that's egotistical and self-centered on your part.  Second, it's not a matter of loving or not loving you, it's a matter of personal decisions and likely long, ingrained behaviors.  Saying that sounds like something a girl in junior high would say. Let's assume we're all mature adults here and start taking personal responsibility for our lack of sound jugments.

You can't love someone into changing, you can't will someone into changing. You can't just hold out a hundred more years knowing they're going to change.  Yes, you can be forgiving, understanding, and non-self-serving.  You shouldn't be a doormat, you should be more than just an option. You should not be considered only when you're convenient, that isn't love.  So why do you keep going after these people?

It's really quite simple when you boil it down to the bare bones.  It's because you're in love with the idea of being in love. You want a "soul mate" because you've been taught you're not a whole person without one. (Really? This whole life you've managed without your "other half", you can't continue to or the earth will stop spinning and life as you know it will end? How repressive and masochist.)  You need someone to love you, to support you, because for some reason, loving and supporting yourself isn't good enough.  Life can't be happy without that special someone, a special someone will make you sooo happy! Yes, having a good partner can enhance aspects of life but it is no one's job on this earth to make you  happy so stop saddling people with that role. It is selfish and unfair. 

Romanticizing love and relationships will get you to one place: disappontment.